December 30, 2006
Topic: Love Everlasting
Tonight I sit and think about the universe, and acknowledge my greatest fear.
To anyone who has ever felt love in their life, as I have felt, to the point where your heart felt like it would burst; this blog is dedicated to you, and so I assume that means this blog is dedicated to the whole of humanity. So it seems to me that something as passionately bitter-sweet and beautiful as love could not be a cosmic fluke, which is what it would be if the universe sprang into being without a reason.
If there is one wish I could have answered, it would be to know without question that love is everlasting, that it is eternal, that it is not bound by time or the constraints on a lifetime. I want so passionately to believe in everlasting love; I want to know that God exists and that love is the heart of God. I acknowledge that I tend to think with my heart (emotions) more than my mind, so the way I think about the universe must be biased. But, even so, my mind tells me that it cannot be rational or logical for the universe to exist by accident. Here is perhaps why...
For most of my life I've questioned religion. I think I rightfully have difficulty accepting a faith because it is written in a book. I have a hard time accepting that a book can be infallible. I want to, because the belief is a wonderful idea, and at the heart of it is the greatest of ideas; but my conscience won't let me do that, unless it can be supported by reason. On the other hand I don't have as hard a time accepting that ethical scientists applying the scientific method to be as objective as humanly possible can produce knowledge that over time is dependable.
So there is a legitimate question as to the accuracy of many religious documents' explanation the origin of the world; and as such there is a shadow of doubt for me cast on the reliability of everything else in these documents, not just their assertions about the creation of the universe. Scientists and mathematicians using what they know about the properties of the universe and their observations of starlight can determine that something as remarkable as the Big Bang is how the universe was created. Philosophers ask themselves: What was causing that to happen? And: Was there something causing that to happen? Which essentially is the same thing as asking: Is there a god? Which for me is the same thing as asking: Is there a God who created this world as an opportunity for us to exist for the sake of loving each other?
Without the consideration of love, I could easily be an atheist without any care except for myself. But because of love, every face of someone I care about is a face of tragedy if love is eventually all for nothing. I care because I just can't accept that my friends and family could ever be lost forever, even though there's no evidence to support my hope. How can someone I truly love be lost forever? How can I go on knowing that eventually everyone I have ever loved will be lost forever. What would be the point in having love if it is as easily and inevitably destroyed as our bodies? ...The root question that these questions all stems from is: How can something as precious as love be created for nothing? I firmly believe there is nothing in this universe more precious than the human capacity and experience of love--Perhaps I'm biased. I think the fear of this question is what so many people hide from. In their heart they yearn to know that love is everlasting, but feel this same realistic concern as I do, because the finite nature of life on this planet unsettles them, and so perhaps they ignore the feeling and take solace in distractions, or in faith.
But ultimately Science is what gives me hope to believe that I can know there is a God of the universe. Not long ago, I was struggling ... am struggling, with understanding my place, our place, in the universe; well really for most of my life--I want so badly to believe that there is purpose to my existence, to our existence. But it occurred to me, that whether or not something willed the universe to spring out of nothingness or not is not so important; what is important to me is this idea that there must be a force that willed there to be the possibility where a universe could spring out of nothingness. And why: because of no reason at all other than this universe did not need to exist ... does not need to exist ... nothing needs to exist; there is no knowable reason for it's existence ... So I wonder: How could there be anything unless something has made a possibility for it to exist? There didn't need to be a universe, and yet here is the universe. It's not as significant that the universe it here, as it is significant that it's possible for the universe to be here. I think ... I believe ... someone cared for there to be a universe so much that the universe happened ... is happening right now. This moment in time, the impression the breath in your lungs makes on the fabric of space-time is connected to every moment and every ounce of existence; and it took a tremendous amount of energy to bring into existence. I believe something or someone had to want for that to be possible. And what in the world for? I suggest it was in the name of love.
